Mother Earth

I watched a program today that discussed the desire among pregnant women to eat dirt as opposed to "people food". I have always wanted to understand the subtle intricacies of the feminine mind, so I set out to try this for myself.  I put on my maroon turtleneck and head for the park where I then picked a quiet patch of earth and began digging and sifting for what I perceived to be the best handfuls of soil available.

 I had to force the first bite or two, washing it down with a Fresca I'd brought along, but before long I felt I truly understood the appeal. So when I spotted a young pregnant woman sitting by the pond, I walked over and wished her well with the blessing in her belly. Then I dropped a handful of the dirt I had pocketed next to her on the bench. "For later!" I said, "Just whenever you get hungry."

 You know something? I think that if things had been different, I could have made a really excellent mother.