Do you believe?

Today I brought my laptop on the train with me.  It’s no ordinary laptop.  In fact, it’s just an old busted one I got for free off craigslist, it doesn’t work.  What I’ve done is I’ve installed a mirror where the screen should be.  I like to take it out in public and pretend as if I’m talking via webcam with an old friend of mine.  I have some old earphones I wear to simulate one side of a conversation.  Then, whenever somebody who I find unattractive looks at me I start talking about "the creep who keeps staring at me".  I try to do this loud enough so they can hear, until they get up and leave.  Sometimes they say something to me first, this is very rare, but they always leave the area within five minutes.  This is how I clear out the unattractive people to make room for attractive people.  Whenever I lock eyes with one of them I say: “hey! Would you like to meet my friend?  He lives among the spirits in a parallel world.”  That’s when I turn the laptop towards them and show them it’s a mirror.  Then I normally improvise a joke about how they look a lot like them, I can be really hilarious and witty off the cuff.  In the summer you can find me doing this all over the Great Lawn in Central Park.