Last night I got into a terrible argument with my magic 8-ball. I asked him if he wanted to watch the news with me, he said “better not tell you now.” I thought, ok, that’s fine, it doesn’t start for 7 more minutes so I asked him again a few minutes later. This time he said. “Concentrate and ask again.” I concentrated, thrusting my thoughts towards the center of the universe, the direction of which changes depending on the time of day and season of the year. At that particular moment my intergalactic compass was pointing to the right, towards my kitchen. I looked in that direction and concentrated for about 45 seconds, then I asked again.
"Do you want to watch the news with me?"
This time my 8-ball said “My reply is no.” I lost it. I don’t appreciate it when my patience is toyed with. That’s probably the worst thing he could have revealed to me at that moment, I never watch the news without him and he knows it. I never even have to ask! My doing so was an out of the ordinary consideration! He just threw it back in my face! Is this how he’s always felt? All those evenings we’ve spent watching the news together—and he didn’t want to be there? Does he even value our relationship? How many times has he resented me? I feel like such a fool. Damn him. I couldn’t stand to look at him for the rest of the right, so I locked myself in the bathroom and then made him sleep on the couch. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over this. My world will never be the same.
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